a certain part of me wants companionship.
another part of me wants freedom.
so which do i choose?
i went to church last night with jeremy n yuan.
for the first time, i saw how my friends worshipped, prayed and listened to the msg.
i could never imagine them having such conviction and sincerity.
i mean u see the person ji-siaoing u.
u see the ppl you kid around with.
the people u laugh, watch movies n talk cock with.
and suddenly theyre transformed. a world of difference.
oh well, church changes people.
yuanyuan used to be so anti. but now he's like the one bugging me to go to church.
*laughs* all the reasons he gave when i used to invite him now its the other way round.
i'm suprised.
very suprised.
| 10:38 Thursday, July 29, 2004
the only thing missing? tongue studs. heh.
| 23:21
i kinda like this too.
| 23:19
our fav pic. haha
| 23:16
i look gross lar
| 23:16
by this time we couldnt control ourselves. we were like camera whores. heh.
| 23:15
rem.. not to take note of the fats.
| 23:12
i admit i couldnt stop lar eh
| 23:12
me acting all hiao haha
| 23:12 Tuesday, July 27, 2004
my colleagues and i had a lengthy and in-depth discussion about a certain phenomena that afflicts a number of males when in a relationship.
what is it u may ask.
IT IS THE HABIT OF HITTING THEIR PARTNER'S ASSES!
yes, i'm sure you've seen it..
a couple happily walking along the road.
SUDDENLY out of reflex or whatever, the guy decides that his hand must hit his girlfriend's ass.
be it a friendly affectionate pat or some major WHACK, i find it HIGHLY irritating (degrading even).
LIKE what right do u have to hit my ass, as n when u feel like it huh?!! HUH?! bangsai *glare* hate hate hate it.
i had an ex who loved to do it to me too. n we've quarreled over it countless of times.
according to my 200m* colleague......
he says its because:
1. its an ego thing lar.
2. some guys see it as an affectionate gesture of love. (wtf?!)
3. its a territorial mark! (hit ass means she's mine kinda thing)
4. he thinks his girlfriend thinks its kinky. SM SM. (go to hell lar, unless youre like that woman in the movie the secretary, i doubt its kinky.)
ok i admit some girls may like it. others like me, ABHOR HATE DETEST it with a VENGEANCE.
all those who are on my side say AYE!
* means not straight. when u run a 200m dash its curved right? thus coining the meaning crooked, not straight. a 100m dash is straight.
eg. he is 200m, i am 100m.
ok enough of my shit.
bah.
ok... erm.. i have a small confession: i like to hit my ex-es asses too.. sorry.
BUT!!!!!!! i can hit ppl's asses...... its just that NO ONE can hit mine.
ah. i feel better now.
ahem. :)
| 22:50 Sunday, July 25, 2004
riding at 100km/h was.. exhilarating.
oh ok, so i'm swakoo. i know. its the 1st freaking time i'm a pillion rider ok.
heh.
but the strong wind in your face washes off all the thoughts for that particular moment.
all u can think of is the feeling of the wind.
the feeling of yourself against the wind.
i kept shouting to my friend "aye damn shiok!"
all he muttered back was "it wont be fun anymore after awhile". *laughs*
he took the longer route.
so across benjamin sheares bridge we went.
the city skyline at night was spectacular. well, i was just too excited lar. heh. i saw the esplanade!! haha.
and for an instant, i closed my eyes. so i could fully take in everything.
perhaps, i was just in awe of being on a bike. (cuz my parents believe that bikes are the incarnation of satan. ok kidding. but its along those lines lar.)
perhaps, i was just acting like some small kid given a delicious piece of candy.
but that moment ended too fast.
the moment where i realised there was more to life than me and my petty wants.
the only bad thing is helmut hair n the dirt n grime of exhaust fumes.
BUT i still want more. i demand more.
shall bug him to ride me again soon.
heh.
i'm lovin' it.
| 01:01 Friday, July 23, 2004
today,
a certain person had a BIG misunderstanding about me.
its no point trying to defend myself and look like i'm trying to cover something up.
as long as i'm innocent and all my friends know it.
everything will be ok.
i chose to walk away.
and i'm proud of my decision.
to that certain person,
i'm sad u thought i did what i did without even asking.
you simply assumed.
i thought u knew me long enough to know what sort of girl i am.
again, everything is based on assumptions.
even at a time like this, i have my pride.
i will not stoop to such a level.
thank you. because, it merely reinforces the fact that i made the right decision.
the right decision of walking away.
its over.
let me have my peace now.
i will not be in denial anymore.
like keigo said, since when was the world fair?
| 01:51 Thursday, July 22, 2004
i was reading female mag today and i chanced upon this DBS women's platinum card ad.
i DEDICATE this ad to my beautiful girlfriends:
For driving to your girlfriend's at 3 am in pyjamas, because she needed to talk.
For allowing your heart to break, but not your spirit.
For resisting the urge to torment men with the question, "do i look fat?"
For being able to walk into a restaurant and order a table for one.
For accepting you'll be the one looking after your parents.
For being a woman, without needing a man.
For women who've earned it.
its kinda meaningful dont u think?
:) yes to all the amazing girlfriends who have been there every step of the way.
i love you girls. (though u didnt drive, you did rush a cab down *laughs*)
and also i've found comfort in this little sunday school song i used to sing when i was 5.
it gets me through the day, when im feeling a lil' unhappy or memories come flooding back.
try it. it helps.
i sang it to God when i was 5, i've started singing it to him again.
i cast all my cares upon you.
i lay all of my burdens down at your feet.
and anytime i don't know what to do.
i will cast all my cares upon you.
tonight's entry seems rather... sentimental?
maybe its the weather.
rather cool tonight. don't u think? :)
| 23:16 Tuesday, July 20, 2004
i'm 19.
so yar.
wtf?! 19?!!
it suddenly HIT me.
its the freaking last year of my TEENAGE life.
TEENAGE mind u.
like once u hit 20, you're a young ADULT.
what have i accomplished?
i can only say: i passed my PSLE, passed my Olevels, passed my Alevels. (note: passed not SCORED)
is that ALL to life?
so yes, i've mucked around my entire year, doing pretty much nothing.
and...
i moaned n groaned about my break-up.
then my friend asked me:"eh soph, u wanna spend the last teenage yr of your life moaning n groaning about some guy who isn't moaning n groaning about u and has moved on ages ago?"
shucks.
thats SO true.
i certainly do not want to look back and see that last yr of my teenage life as one where i was miserable n like depressed or whatever.
so yes, there's so much more to life.
so many people to meet.
so many places to travel.
so many questions that has to be answered.
so many things to try.
so many delicacies i have yet to taste.
feelings to explore.
and new experiences.
phuck?! what am i waiting for?
i'm game for anything now.
erm, except getting bitten by a snake, or trekking through an icy mountaintop..
oh yes, NO asking me to like go to some jungle and camp and NO sex. haha.
i'm more into the leisure and luxury kinda thing.
freak, now i sound bimbotic.
but i'm sure u understand lar huh?
| 00:14 Thursday, July 15, 2004
this is a poem gabe darling wrote for me. he was always there when i was at my lowest. thanks gabe, i luff u.
u'll always be my bestest buddy boy! *hugs* can i be your "bestman" or in this case "bestowman" when u get married? *grin* he really knows how i feel. i dont know how come you're always there to send some really comforting sms or tell me his funny life experiences to make me laugh.
I can’t help the way my heart breaks for you.
I can’t help the tears i cry.
That you could have ever been so low,
Makes me wonder how you didn’t die.
In pain and blood spilt from that big heart.
A glimpse of your life.
A glimpse of your troubles.
Makes me realise my own are silly.
And that really i live in a bubble.
No one died.
No one hurts they way you did.
I can’t help the way my teeth clench for you,
I can’t help tears i cry,
I can’t help the burst of anger,
That makes me want them all to fuck n die
| 21:35 Tuesday, July 13, 2004
if you're REALLY free n have COMPLETELY nothing to do.
you should read the kind of nonsense some people talk about on msn.
narcissistic is KOH SUFEN. (she's gonna kill me)
*retail therapy WORKS* is NOT ME! i promise. it aint't me OK. totally so NOT me. although i do relate to her a little. but i tell u, retail therapy does work. oh shit. nothing.
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
oh did i tell u?
i have minor piles. hahahhaha.
narcissistic says:
aiyoh!
did you see a doctor for it?
narcissistic says:
doesn't that mean stones in y our stools?
wah.so catchy..
"stones in your stools"
i amaze myself
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
yes i have a dexter's laboratory sticker that say" i amaze myself"
hahaha
narcissistic says:
poo..
so how?
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
well, no it means there's a small growth at your anus..
narcissistic says:
huh...
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
n it hurts when u shit.
narcissistic says:
oh...due to?
too much friction ah?
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
very heaty your bang sai too hard. then scrape your anus.
narcissistic says:
ohhh....
ouch!
sounds severe
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
then.. it gets swollen kinda thing.
yah but mine's minor.
narcissistic says:
hmm..i think my aunt's got that condition
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
so my parents bought tonnes of fruits.
narcissistic says:
something along those lines la..
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
but u know.. im not supposed to get piles at my age ok.
it usually afflicts older ppl.
narcissistic says:
then she have piles arleady right..then she go PUSH harder when she shit
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
WHAT?!
hahahhaha
wah lau.
narcissistic says:
then something like her gut nearly came out
really!
i'm not joking
she had to go for a few operations
quite scary la
so i'm thankful i'm a speedshitter that eats lots of fibre
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
gosh.
thats scary lar.
oh man.
fen dont scare me.
narcissistic says:
so please eat more fruits and veges
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
i shall cut down on fast food already
narcissistic says:
that's coz she PUSH...
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
her guts nearly game out?
narcissistic says:
ya
they had to do some op for her
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
oh gosh.. your auntie islike AMAZING lar..
how to push until guts come out.
very scary.
narcissistic says:
dunno...
she and my mum are very constipated
so..i guess she assumed it was normal to push so hard or something
so much so that her guts nearly came out
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
HAHAHAHAHA oh fen stop it. i keep imaging some woman shiting with a constipated face pushing n all red then suddenly she looks at her toilet bowl n says "shit i think i shitted my liver out"
narcissistic says:
not so bad la!
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
i dont mean to be mean lar
narcissistic says:
like..it was her big intestines or something
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
but i just immediately imagine that.
narcissistic says:
evil
you wait till it happens to you
THEN you know sia
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
NO it wont ok
narcissistic says:
then what do you have to do to remedy it?
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
arrgh. better pinch mysellf.
narcissistic says:
did the doctor give you pills or something?
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
eat more fruits so my shit wont be hard.. n it'll heal itself.
narcissistic says:
he said that?
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
i think my anus tore ok
narcissistic says:
oh...
tore?
ouch..
so your asshole's bigger?
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
no i didnt go doc. my mom had minor piles b4
narcissistic says:
oh...
okok
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
yes fen i think so
wanna try anal sex?
hahahhahaa.
narcissistic says:
ya
i'm sure my thumbs will give you such pleasure
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
yes fen. im sure u'll enjoy sticking your thumb up my a-hole eh?
lets meet tom!
hahah.
narcissistic says:
nonsense
i have work!
12-6
*retail therapy WORKS* says:
lets meet tom to stick ur thumb up my arse lar.. that'll be fast rite?
like just stick it up..
narcissistic says:
sheesh
-----------------------THE END of CONVERSATION--------------------
| 20:51 Monday, July 12, 2004
my new favourite word is knn. shit man. i really should stop using it. i use it for everything. the good, the bad the ugly. *laughs*
things are looking up.
im so much happier.
Thank God (God's helped me, seriously). i thought i'd be like depressed forever but NO!
special thanks to a few certain people whose names i shant mention. (cuz u know who u are alreeady wut)
hahaha.. machiam taking some award.
but really, u guys made my days seem happier, cheery.
*truckloads of hugs n kisses* i never expected myself to bounce back so quickly either.
yeah. 3 cheers for me! bahaha.
| 12:26 Wednesday, July 07, 2004
what i'll miss most.
1. your cutest dog.
2. cuddling with u on your smelly pillow.
3. snoozing on your bed.
4. our pillow n tickle fights.
5. your mom's cooking.
6. rides to work in your daddy's car.
7. your brother's packages from england.
8. having vcd marathons at your place.
9. getting high on all those horrible tasting wines in your fridge. (what do we do after that? SLEEP!!)
10. SHOPPING.
11. going for supper with your family.
12. walking your dog and ending up at the mama store eating icecream.
13. arguing over what colour suits u.
14. running my fingers through your hair.
15. your HUMONGOUs hugs where i feel warm n safe.
16. your mom's jokes.
17. your dad's silence.
18. the smell of your dove shampoo.
19. the way u like to whack my ass for no apparent reason n i'll get damn pissed off. bahaha.
20. wearing your shirts to bed.
21. your smell. that wonderful scent.
22. slacking n watching tv the entire day wrapped in each others arms.
i weigh the pros n cons n i realised we've made the right decision. we'll never know what the future holds. i'm determined to be strong. you are beautiful to me. for now, for ever. i cannot deny that i love you. but sometimes our characters rub each other in the wrong ways too much.
i have released you. explore the world and tell me the sights and sounds you experince. i'll share with you mine too.
the most wonderful part is the fact that we're still friends.
i love you, lets go into to next stage as friends.
strangely, i'm happy now. happy its all over.
| 22:41 Monday, July 05, 2004
bahaha. just merely proves we're freaking bo liao.
| 14:52
we tried the cheena act "innocent " pose. damn gross i tell u. arrgh.
| 14:50
a relatively decent shot.
| 14:48
she was trying to "act" cute. haha.
| 14:47
trying to act arty farty lar.. so unsuccessful
| 14:46
why the hell i look like that?! i dont know. bah.
| 14:43
our phototaking frenzy session at my place. hoho.
| 14:42
