yakun, youtiaos, bbq-ed chilli sotongs, chricken cutlet rice, chicken wings, selegie tau huay, mcspicy birger, curly fries, 9 piece mcnuggets, normal fries, soya bean, green tea, prata, beef bowl...
ive been eating so damn much.
moreever, rachel and i even made last minute plans for a food hunt.
which we fulfilled.
yes, i cant believe it.. we actually walked to sunshine plaza, selegie.... all for the sake of food.
the moment any one of us gets our license.
it'll be geylang for supper. no more lets walk to 201 nearby for prata.
oh fuck.
i can hardly move now.
goodness gracious me.
i need to start swimmming/joggin.. ok exercising.
i am a living breathing blob.
blob, i am.
pulsating... wobbling... vibrating.. quivering.. bumbling.... blob of blobber.
--
today stupid mr.z wrestled with me.
and when i tried to punch him.
i ended up hitting my wristbone against his stupid kneecap.
now even typing HURTS.
and he pinned me down n pulled my hair.
phucker.
pain can.
freakazziod.
use what magazine hit people.
i am so pissssssssed off..
after that when i hit his 2 front teeth.
still dare to show face and throw tantrum.
complaining about how violent i am.
u are the irritating violent one.
i wouldnt have hit u, if u, themoronicretardofthecentury didnt start it!!!!!!
he started the fight by using his stupid newman magazine to hit my leg nonstop.
who wouldnt get angry right.
somemore it isnt those hit lightly play play kind. its the "use full force/alot of strength" type.
damn painful lar.
i kanna bruises for no rhyme or reason.
ee-dee-ert.
--
my dad called me on my mobile asking me if i wanted dinner.
u see, usually my mom does the calling, but we're not talking. u get my drift....
daddy: girl u want dinner?
me: anything. where are u?
daddy: mommy and i are in TM. what u want to eat?
me: i dont know..
daddy: u want nasi nonya?
me: whats nasi nonya? (i was thinking alongh the lines of some peranakan dish cuz got the word nonya right? or like something close to nasi lemak.)
daddy: that jap food lar. u know the beef rice one. nasi nonya.
me: WHAT?! nasi nonya? never heard of it before leh.. where u getting it from. what is that?
-then i heard my mom laughing in the background-
mommy: its yoshinoya!!!
HAHHAHHAHAHAH. my daddy's the funniest cutest father ever.
so now my mom and i are..... not talking but at least she laughed over the phone right?
that counts for something.
heh.
--
| 20:08
tonight, on the way home.
candle in the wind was playing on class95.
yeah remember elton john on the piano singing that song...
rachel and i both mumbled in unison: princess diana.
then it struck us..
its been 7 years since her funeral was broadcasted on channel5.
and what a long 7 years its been.
to think im only 20 and already feeling nostalgic and getting all sentimental.
what will i be thinking when im 30, 40 or even 50?
20 and feeling old, the irony.
--
the mother and i had another major shouting match.
again!
yes, at 2 am in the morning.
its been happening so often lately.
she barged into my room and in an accusatory tone stated that she wouldnt mind slapping my face eventhough i'm 20.
i ignored her.
ignoring is always bad.
so she started her list of why i am sucha "slapmyface" daughter.
and that she totally does not understand WHY?! WHY?! i am sucha person.
then i ended it all by saying: yeah u can't understand because we're of different GENERATIONS! ok? get it?
then she shouted some incoherent sentences before heading back to bed.
i'm suprised my dad didn't wake up amidst all the noise.
sometimes i really do wonder why we even have our same stupid arguments over and over again.
yet when we're on good terms, we'd go shopping together and she'd treat me to whatever i want to makan.
perhaps its her over-concern.
or the fact she's going through menopause soon lar...
i just hope things will die down soon enough and all this shit will blow over.
i'm damn tired.
and honestly quite sad.
ive been pretty close to my mom since i was a kid.
much closer as compared to my friends.
yeah haha, we do compare notes about whether we're close to our moms or not.
so mommy, my best bet is that ull read this post.
because although you vehemently deny that u read my blog.
you're always damn spot on about so many things that are happening in my life.
how else can u know except through this avenue?
i apologise here.
i'm sorry mommy.
but if u do not read this.
i wont apologise again.
pride.
--
| 02:27 Sunday, August 28, 2005
because i am lazy.
so so so damndamndamn lazy.
ruirui will slap my face when she sees this post.
u can click on her blog HERE to see the pics. heheheh.
on what we did for her prebirthday celebration!
--
today i bought my boss's kid japanese hello kitty chocolate in the shape of little umbrellas.
i couldn't resist the wrapping.
besides, its my last day, might as well right? give that cute adorable little girl something.
i wanted to upload her picture. but something wrong with my handphone, cannot upload the pics. bah.
and guess what she said to me when she saw the little brollies of chocolate.
"ohh the unbwella is so smwall. how to pwotect me fom the wain."
she cant pronounce her Rs. hahaha. so cute so so cute!
she's 4 and a bundle of joy.
makes u want to have kids of your own someday.
my boss has like 2 tiny stores and one pushcart.
lets just say he is a very angsty sort of person.
who uses strong words and can get very pissed off and worked up about things like people ripping his tshirt designs and printing it in mass.
and he'll scrawl words like "fuck u cheeebye crossedeyed china whores" on the walls of his shop.
he named his main shop M.O.N.O.
his second shop Malice K6A.
like so cool right.
such powerful names.
and the theme of the stores are like black.
then when i was finally sent to man his pushcart.
guess what is it called?
MorMor.
yeah like really cutesey and and the whole pushcart is decorated in very much more girly fashion than his 2 stores.
i was seriously wondering what happened to all the anger? the scrawling? the loud blasting alternative music?
they even printed like little postcards with bruce lee having a speech bubble which states:
I LOVE MY MORMOR!
so i asked my lady boss, "hey corrine why is it this store is called mormor?"
then she mumbled: "eh.. actually its very lame lar.. how its name came about. u really want to know?"
of course i want to know lar right? talk cock.
then she continued: "this store is actually named after our daughter's favourite blanket. the one she sleeps with every night and has been with her since she was born. she likes to declare that she loves her mormor. so yeah. we decided to name the pushcart mormor lor."
awwwwww.
--
| 05:44 Saturday, August 27, 2005
a special post for a special friend.
on the 29th august 2005 will be lee hongrui's 20th birthday.
so today we are here to tell you why we all love lee hongrui.
whatever is blogged here is either by the exact words of her close friends or msn-ed to me, onglye.
person no.1:
ang jingmei.
brief summary: angjingmei is leeruirui's sec 1/2 friend. then they dontknowwhathappen 5 years never talk to each other! but now!! theyre good friends again. thanks to who? me lar. heheh. ok lar, thanks to the redang trip!
angjingmei says: i love hongrui because bo pian, no choice, because she's cute? ok kidding,
cos she's my really close fren before in sec sch..and now even better fren. i love her even more after redang!! i love her tummy! i love her tears n winks!!
so schweet. long lost friends.. what more can a girl ask for?! right?
person no.2
racheltansiya.
brief summary: rachel and ruirui knew each other during their 1st 3 months of jc. dontknowwhathappen again, they drifted apart. but after redang, everything is wonderful, fine and dandy. all happy dappy. great friends.
racheltansiya: i love hongrui because she's the leader of our group. (what rachel means its the redang clique where rui really is the leader can!) and she likes to give us missions, then we'll carry them out.
note: racheltansiya's love for rui is much more than what is written here. she was outside and it was too noisy to talk thus the extremely short but sweet reason as to why she really loves leehongrui.
person no.3
me.
brief summary: ive been her friend since we were 13. 7 years of friendship. what i have for her is "more than love"! its "morelove!" so many stupid incidents happened as we grew up.
me: i morelove hongrui because...... we spent our adolescence together. going swimming, watching movies, wearing big ugly jnco jeans, buying the same bags, being with me through 2 horrible breakups, being the most humourous person around, agreeing when noone else agrees, laughing until she falls down, hiding in the toilet, kicking down my cubicle door so the world can have full view of my ass, but most of all, for being a friend for so many long long year. i morelove leehongrui!! 3 cheers!!! alot more lar, but i lazy to type can.
person no.4
Ceyu!
brief summary: ruirui and ceyu knew each other in NYP. i'm not very sure about how their friendship grew. but i do know, ruirui do tell me nice stories about her. like i always say: anything ruirui likes, i like too. so ruirui likes ceyu. i like ceyu too. i also know they always travel home together after school and ceyu will marvel at ruirui's eating skills. (her skills are very marvelous indeed.)
Ceyu: i love hongrui cuz she rou rou de, shao shao de.. like meatball! gun lai gun qu. LOL!
direct transalatoin: i love hongrui because she meat meat one, hot hot one.. like meatball. roll here roll there.
haha, i think what ceyu said is hilarious lar!!! hahahaahah. i like. very much.
person no.5
mingxiu
brief summary: she is another of ruirui's NYP friends. and shes tanned and shes cute. so there. what more can u ask for right? apparently all of rui's NYP friends are damn smart. stress sia.
mingxiu: Hongrui is very real! (yeah she really is. haha we all know that.) and a jiang yi qi person.. plus shes a very faithful friend.
everyone say awwwwwwww......
person no.6
yijun
brief summary: she is ruirui's JC pal. her favourite lines are: hey fren or got miss me (along those lines lar. heheh) i knw in JC everyone keep saying they look alike but i dont htink so leh... hahahaha she and ruirui together are a riot lar. funny as hell!
yijun: i love hongrui because she is funloving, LOUD!, self high anddddd............ crazy!! the list can go on and on leh.
yes the list really can go on and on.. but hor.. i asked her to stop there.. because...... i got to type more if she keeps on telling me why she loves rui. heh.
| 03:17
today i went too church.
tom im going church again.
i am happy.
i am a happy church-going good girl! yes yes yes.
--
and my tuition kid passed her science!!!
i cant believe it..
considering the day before her science paper we were folding those papier-mache flowers for teacher's day.
i was even helping her make the one she was going to give to me.
i never expected her to pass.
why?
because....
1. she never ever pays attention in class.
2. even when i teach her, the next week if i ask the same questions, she has already completely forgotten what i taught her the week before.
so this CA, i did not bother to pressure her..
just giving brief outlines about main stuff like what are xylem and phloem tubes, what is photosynthesis and respiration.
then we both started on the art and craft.
her mom came in and questioned her lar (luckily i was in the toilet) but heng ka lau sai bang sai jiak kau sai the assessment book was open!
and she was holding a pencil!!
haha.
she passed her science, despite the obvious odds and the fact i hardly taught her anything!!
i am jumping for joy!
can u feel my fulfillment as a tuition teacher?
if u know this kid, ull know why i am happy.
if she passes, its like there's manna raining down from heaven because its really a miracle in itself. (i even use biblical comparisons can!! hahaha ok out of point)
shes never passed her science, math or english before. thats how jialat it is can.
and now shes demanding a trip to escape.
hai. why? why escape? fun meh?
--
| 02:40 Friday, August 26, 2005
do u have a boyfriend?
why don't u have a boyfriend?
anybody chasing u now?
do u like anybody?
why are u single?
what are your expectations like?
are your expectations too high?
how many boyfriends have u had before?
why did u and your boyfriends break up?
are u sure? no love interest at all?
people are never satisfied with simple answers like:
i'm single because nobody likes me, i dont like anybody.
i'm single because i really am not interested in being in a relationship right now.
i'm single because i want to be.
is there a problem with that?
wanting to stay single.
perhaps your view that any normal girl my age would really want to have a nice boyfriend to hug and to hold and to call him my own.
but unfortunately, seriously, with all due respect, i do not find that appealing at all.
in fact its irksome.
i do remember a time where i lived for my boyfriends. but sadly, that time has come and gone.
so yes.
i'm single because i happen to want to be.
and no, i am not looking for love at all.
its as simple as that.
so please stop asking why this and why that.
singledom is the new black. whatever.
--
my tuition kid passssssed her english.
yes she got 60/100!!!!
i am so absolutely proud of her!
she's never passed anything except for chinese before.
so right now im crossing my fingers for her science and math.
i love you grace, maybe just maybe, i'll being u to escape lar.
that is if i have the money.
--
| 01:09 Thursday, August 25, 2005
the post with many numbers.
school starts on the 14th sept.
fees due on the 9th sept.
result should be out before the 9th of sept.
hols are waaaay too long, 4 1/2 months.
34 is the criteria to pass.
29th is the date of my ruirui's bday.
3, are the days i have to go to school when the new semester starts.
and i am considering whether i should take 6 modules this term or push 1 module to my last year.
such decisions i have to make.
--
today kbox-ing was strange.
3 phlegm-filled girls.
clearing their throats, coughing through the highnotes.
but nevertheless, anytime spent with my redang girls is good fun. :)
but that saibee...... absent herself because of work lar.
--
| 01:33 Wednesday, August 24, 2005
my favourite racoon
my close friends all know me well enough to know that they should never ever buy me softtoys/*decorative items for my birthdays or x'mas gifts.
well, because i usually chuck them one side and not bother about them until perhaps one fine spring cleaning day where my mom finds it covered with a thick film of dust that it'll just graduate to its next phase of life, as rubbish down the chute.
BUT!
there is an exception. and that is for little peekyweeky, my favourite racoon.
i honestly forgot who gave it to me. (many apologies to that person)
i absolutely adore it.
anyone can see why.
its little "please dont hurt me" teeny face looking up at you with its itsybitsy arms placed in a prayer-like fashion.
everytime my mom picks it up during spring cleaning n goes: oei fee u want this? or throw away?
i'll shake my head and say: NO! can't u tell how cute it is! as if its pleading with u to keep it and shower it with lots of love can!
my mom will stare at it for a few moments and go: yeah quite true.. it is very cute.
and so the cycle has been like this for quite a few spring cleanings.
thats why i love my little peekyweeky racoon.
and i am not acting cute here ok!
peekyweeky has that effect on everyone.
its been with me since.. ages and ages ago. years infact. i lost track of its age.
*decorative items: this is placed with a star next to it because it doesn't include the precious moments figurine lee ruirui gave to me for my birthday this year. that one i love. i put it in the hall for everyone to see. heh.
--
and i have good news!
erm.. good news to only myself actually.
i have constipation...... NO MORE!
wheee. :)
--
| 14:11 Monday, August 22, 2005
a very random post indeed
its only when i have the worst of sore throats that i start craving for fried oily heaty food.
icecream, kfc, hot hot spicy curry etc.
u name it.
i'm craving for it.
but the moment my mom heard my low raspy "sexaye" voice...
it was porridge with cod fish and alot of greens.
besides, i'm having constipation AGAIN.
--
i was watching animal planet last night.
something about whale sharks.
AND!
they were showing the corals and the pretty schools of fish.
i started to miss redang.
snorkelling was damn fun.
all that plans to get my diving license, halted by the lack of cash. -sigh
it only takes like 3days 2nights to get the beginners one i think.
then if we (rui and i) get our licenses.. we can go to tioman instead.
oh its always all talk.
--
i know this is going to draw flak from my friends........
but i've been pretty much enjoying church lately.
heh.
so much so that i really want to go for some special dinner thing they've been planning.
but i'm worried it clashes with ahruirui's bday.
dont worry ahruirui, u come first ok?
even if i do go, ill rush down for ur bday!
--
| 13:21 Sunday, August 21, 2005
i met a boy.
whom i thought was hot.
but he shares the same name with a person i abhor to the deepest trenches of my heart.
oh bother.
when i heard that name, my balls shrivelled up like prunes (haha ok i have no balls. but its along those lines lar.)
sucha a waste, for such a hot guy to have such a disgusting name.
tsk tsk.
"hey sophia! come meet my friend"
i turned around to be greeted by someone tall, built, tanned, with really adorable dimples.
i thought to myself: wah he's hot sia.
then hot guy smiled and put his hand out: hi i'm "so&so". (alarm bells just rang in my head. like bbbbbbrrrrriiiiiinnnnnnggggggg!!!!)
i gave him my most guai lan glare, gave a limp handshake, mumbled: sophia here.
and walked away.
'i never knew that even the sound of that name can dig up such hostility and disgust within me.
--
mr.z just pissed me off.
yet again.
dont friend u already lar!
--
| 13:16 Saturday, August 20, 2005
today i would like to officially announce the ACBC's spokesperson of the year.
ANGJINGMEI.
she will also be the Chairman of the club.
did i fail to mention that she's also the Vice-chairman, Treasurer, Quarter-master, publicity director, welfare director, member.
and in case u did not know what ACBC stands for,
it is actually act CUTE buay CUTE.
u may be wondering why she is the role model for ACBC-ing.
i mean....
take a look at that doeful eyed look.
who else can seriously beat that?!
plus the flashing of the peace sign next to her eye?! pricelessssss.
and the pout?
done to perfection.
the angle of the shots.
the "look up and open eye big big" angle.
exactly 45degress of chin facing downwards, eyes 45degress upwards, nose must be made to look small, so must mouth.
and jingmei, doesnt even need to try.
she is the EPITOME.
the rest of the redang members (consisting of rui rach and i) are speechless.
rachel: "i never knew angjingmei had such raw talent!! she is simply the perfect person for ACBC-ing."
rui: "wow, when i see the pictures.. she simply reminds me of the tonnnnnes of girls i see on friendster, trying so hard to look sweet innocent and cute. but angjingmei nailed it! *saibee has proven herself truly worthy."
sophia: "i always knew jingmei was special, that she was more than just the girl-next-door! the pictures are breath-taking! saibee has outdone herself."
the ACBC files.
we have dozens more pictures. but too many to post online, perhaps someday.
*saibee - direct translation: shit smell. explanation as to why she's called that: too long a story, maybe another day. it is also angjingmei's stripper name.
heheheheheh.
personal message from soph to mei: love u love u lar. dont angry k?
| 04:07 Friday, August 19, 2005
i'm STARVING.
i have an intense craving for plaster and teh-peng.
the supper people list
jingmei is asleeep.
rui has schhhhooool tomorrow. (so i don't even bother asking her.)
rachel has work tomorrow morning at 8. (ditto.)
mr.z has deadlines to meet for his project submissssion tomorrrrrow.
jaaaassssman lives too far away.
waiyan says cabbing down is about 7 bucks to and fro, plus shes lazy to change.
so i think supper tonight is a no-go.
boo.
| 01:25 Wednesday, August 17, 2005
on the way home, i thought about *it.
as i took the lift up, i thought about *it.
when i took my bath, i thought about *it.
while i packed my room, i thought about *it.
while i washed my undies, i thought about *it.
while i'm surfing now, i'm still thinking about *it.
i shall succumb.
eventhough my bloody teeth hurts like hell (i just tightened my braces today.)
i SHALL EAT the instant noodles that waiyan bought for me.
buay tahan already lar.
cannot take it.
fat then fat lar!
my prized instant nooooodles!
finaaaaalllllly.
i've been in agony for the past 24 hours..
thinking and thinking about this damned thing.
waiwai, u really know how to GET me.
and ure right, the taste is so different.
unlike the usualy MSG-ey like taste of spore's maggie noodles.
i like. buy more next time okay?
--
why didnt you call?!
so much for saying u miss me.
/glare
--
i mother you too much.
i should really let go and let u make your own mistakes.
rather than trying so hard to hold you back for fear of u being a second me.
i'm sorry.
--
| 02:22 Tuesday, August 16, 2005
my cousin is a sweet girl of 12.
and.. brilliant for that matter.
her compo was acted out into a play on some kid's programme because it was so well-written.
so, the producers decided to do an interview with her on the programme.
she did not utter a single word about the programme to anyone at all.
the whole family was asleep that sat morning it was aired.
at 9am, she sat alone infront of the television watching it.
if it wasn't for my grandmother who chanced upon it while flipping channels and eating her laksa that saturday morning, absolutely noone but her would have known about it.
her mom: grace. why didn't u tell anyone about it? we could've recorded it. sweetheart, its something to be proud of. u should have told us.
grace: mom i didn't want to tell anyone because the interviewer said i look like the great white shark at the end. because i'm fair and i'm fat. -she mumbled the reason in a hurt small voice-
who the fuck do u think u are to comment on my cousin's size?
so what just because she might be abit bigger than children her age, she should be told on television that she looks like a great white shark.
girls of that age are vulnerable.
it doesn't help if u pass snide comments about her on tv ok.
seriously, ure a fucking adult, act like one for goodness sake.
be more sensitive.
she's going through puberty........
and we all know how at that age, everyone faces insecurities about their identities.
WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm so pissed off for her.
FUCKKKKKKKKKK.
arrrrrrgh.
i feel like crying can.
it doesn't really matter if she writes great compositions right?
it doesn't really matter if she's such a smart kid right?
it doesn't really matter if she speaks well and has a great character right?
it doesn't really matter that her mom just recovered from cancer just a month back and she washes her own clothes right?
it doesn't matter that she studies hard for her own sake without any help right?
it doesn't really matter that she lets my grandfater win at daidee so he doesn't have to shuffle the cards because his hands trembles when he shuffles right?
all that matters is the fucking fact that she's fat.
oh fuck.
i am crying.
i hate the world tonight.
the earlier post about good things.
fuck it.
| 01:37
for your information,
i do not like sitting amidst nature at midnight.
not when all the trees look sinister, the lights are a dark orangey glow and the crickets are creaking? (please tell me the exact word, u know.. cows moo, dogs bark.. then crickets?)
i do not appreciate the effort made to hide behind the trees and then disappear suddenly, neither do i enjoy being told that u can see flying white things behind me when THERE ARE NONE!
thank you very much.
ee-dee-ert.
--
i finally met waiyan after donkey years.
since she left to hongkong for a whole 2 months dumping me here in spore while she shopped like mad.
and the stuff she brought back are nice lar.
i love your birke's babe!!
and what did she bring back for me?
instant noodles.
yes. u read it right.
hahahah that woman is retarded.
sorry rachel i made u angry today.
u see, i did not leav u out little_rach85.
--
to end it off,
i liked how the day went.
and its pretty evident i'm in high spirits.
i hope it lasts.
i hope all good things never end.
--
because she wants to be here. so no choice.
jingmei says she wants to be part of this post.
so i put a picture of her lor.
hahahhahaha.
--
| 01:29 Sunday, August 14, 2005
mobsister (some hk "film")
i honestly did not get it.
i did realise the main character was always wearing red.
her uncles always wore articles of blue clothing.
the boy she liked always wore a red cap and in the scene where they finally met, he wore red and blue.
i did catch that she was trying to "reform" them (her uncles).
i know the colours should mean something.
whatever. seriously.
other than that.
i did not GET the movie at all.
its either its too deep or it sucked.
i like to think its the latter.
of course its better than Alexander.
but then nearly every movie is better than Alexander.
it was such a let down.
i'm blabbering.
the only saving grace?
ALEX FONG. (i think thats his name, i'm not sure)
he can so rival Tony Leung.
i think dear Tony has found his match.
-sigh.
--
mr.z ate a popsicle today.
the mama shop 60cents kind.
and now its no longer those wooden sticks that hold the popsicle.
they use plastic ones. somemore its like circular at the part u hold and u can place the entire popsicle on your index finger or rather his finger and it wouldn't fall off!! it looks like a finger condom.
hahaah. ok not funny.
but anyway, now eat mamashop ice cream also so hightech and the stick looks so pretty.
--
| 21:52 Saturday, August 13, 2005
the postcard i'd send to postsecret! hahahahaha.
to piss jingmei offfff...
i told her i'm going to post this postcard with my "secret" to postsecret:
i can't stand my friend because she has bad BO but she's the only friend i have.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA. saibeee. (private joke)
jingmei doesn't need enemies if she has friends like me!!
hahahahahhahahahaha.
to read actual postsecret postcards click here.
--
i just read this. i think its pretty funny.
*i've learnt that u cannot make someone love you. all u can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. (how true hahahahhahahahahha)
*i've learnt that no matter how much i care. some people are just assholes.
*i've learnt that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
*i've learnt that u can only get by on charm for about 15 minutes. after that, u better have a big willy or huge boobs.
*i've learnt that you shouldnt compare yourself to others - theyre more screwed up than you think.
*i've learnt that we are responsible for what we do, unless we're celebrities.
*i've learnt that people you care most about in life, are taken from you too soon and all the irritating ones never go away.
*i've learnt that no matter how hot or steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, after that there had better be alot of money to take its place.
--
once twice thrice.
i thought u shouldve learnt your lesssson by now.
but it seems like i thought WRONG.
the pentup frustrations.
u think i'm young?!
well f off.
i think ure OLD.
---
aaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
| 02:10 Thursday, August 11, 2005
i just left that ajm.
i wonder if she's home.
--
is heartbreak really that hard to cope with?
i've forgotten the feeling.
i vaguely remember the dread of the mornings.
and the literal pain, which i swore was akin to stabbing.
when i look at u now, i can't relate to what you're going through.
i promised to be there, and eventhough i am there, i cannot fully comprehend the torment that eats you up.
i can only merely lend moral support and a listening ear.
u say: sophia you've been through this too! u know how i feel!! u do. u do.
time is the essence, it slowly ebbs away that sore wretched feeling, the unfulfilled expectations, the empty hopes that the mobile might ring.
then she reminded me: sophia!!! u soaked your pillows. curled up in a ball, unmoving. refusing to work, feigning food poisoning. slightly more than a year ago, you were crying. can't u REMEMBER that sort of pain?! it was just last july soph!
the verbal triggering did nothing.
the memories seem obscure.
u mean i was like that? i was? only last year?
she searched for empathy.
the lighted up recognition of her agony in my eyes.
so i lied.
oh i remember!!
but i do not, and neither do i wish to try.
--
| 00:59 Wednesday, August 10, 2005
some people just don't get it.
--
i watched wedding crashers.
4.5 stars.
damn pee-in-your-pants funny.
i think it beats meet the parents.
which according to the sophia scale of funniness.
is very funny.
ok i think u get my point.
on to the next topic...
i tried to throw a faulty lighter into a nearby bin about 2m away.
but as u all know, my aiming is shit.
i aim at one thing but it can fly in the opposite direction.
thats why i was never good at those ball games. what netball, basketball, somethingball.
it flew like way way way further and hit some girl. i think it was a pretty hard whack.
and the amazing thing was, they were pretty far away and they were walking at a pretty fast speed. i have no idea how that damn small thing can fly so fast and "accurately".
i burst out laughing.
but her boyfriend was pretty pissed off......
he looked around and shouted: "was it you?" in my direction.
i mean it had to be me, there was noone else around.
then dear ol' jasman came to my rescue.
he shouted back in an incredulous tone: "no!"
and shot him the "are u nuts?" look.
i feel bad. i do. really. i didnt mean it what.
i just shouldnt try to the 'aim and throw' thing again lar.
--
| 01:42 Tuesday, August 09, 2005
its never ever advisable to get involved with your best platonic friend.
the one u talk late into the night with.
the one whom u confide in.
the one u bare your soul to without the fear of being judged.
the one u spend hours with at the nearest coffee joint people-watching.
because when the relationship fails.
it leaves u not only with that lingering heartache but also, a lost friendship.
u cannot in any way, go back to the "before it all started".
the same easy banter.
the breezy attitude.
that "what the freak? u think she's hot? no lar" kinda talk.
even if there was effort placed in trying to keep the friendship going or perhaps pretending like it all didn't happen.
but the "it happened and it failed" will always be haunting us at the back of our minds.
which relationship doesn't end with grudges, anger. (there's always some measure of it)
its sad isn't it?
but oh-so-true.
i think i've said my piece.
--
i heart johnny depp.
| 02:51 Monday, August 08, 2005
i went to read rui's friend's ceyu's blog. and apparently i'd die painfully as stated at the end if i dont do this. since im so bloody freeeeee.. might as well do it lar.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. sophia
2. soph
3. ah fee
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. so-fee-ah
2.
3.
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my height. sort of lar.
2. erm... my toes
3. i suppose i sorta like my ears.
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. skin
2. nails
3. sammy. my paunch
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. s'porean
2. chinese
3. peranakan
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. cockroaches. i abhor them.
2. the movie shutter ghost which was sitting on that guy's shoulders. freakyshit.
3. the part in ju-on where the ghost appeared under the covers.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. sleep
2. eat
3. talk
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. tshirt
2. fbt shorts
3. glasses
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. pass ALL my modules no wait, make that do well for all my modules.
2. be happy.
3. go redang again, bangkok and backpack around europe! ok thats 3 things alr.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. stability
2. trust
3. genuinely kind caring understanding, not demanding, not controlling, give me a huge measure of freedom, will not take advantage of me (monetary sense), will not harm a hair on me, the sort that will want to go out rather than lie at home and do nothing. ok thats alot of things.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. sometimes i wish i was a more disciplined responsible person.
2. i really want to go back and be a good christian girl.
3. i dont lie.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. shoulders
2. height
3. smile
THREE NON-PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. character
2. his family. yeah im weird i know.
3. big hugs.
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. go back to the past
2. fly
3. lick my elbows
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. sleeping
2. going online
3. talking on the phone
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. earn more money
2. watch charlie and the chocolate factory
3. scratch my sandfly bites.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. HR
2. PR
3. tai-tai
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. london
2. paris
3. redang
THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. stephanie
2. kai (yeah retarded. i know)
3. sophia
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO AT LEAST ONCE BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. find a soulmate
2. be a good christian
3. tour the world. cliche i know.
THREE THINGS YOU'RE GRATEFUL FOR:
1. my parents
2. my friends
3. my handphone
THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
toooo many to list.
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
Everyone who is reading this!
| 00:48 Saturday, August 06, 2005
i'm sorry i blew my top off.
i'm glad u aren't angry.
i'm sorry that i always harbour all my anger, never lettting it show and finally deciding that "oh i think ive had enough" then without any warning, throw hurl angry hurtful words.
rachel is right, i shouldnt always keep everything in, never ever voicing my anger or hurt, rather prefering to pretend i'm alright and smile eventhough i may be seething.
i'm glad its all settled.
i'm totally glad everything's ok already.
i love you so much more now!
and we're on a quest to beeeeeeeeee even bettttttttter friends.
-smuacks-
i totally enjoyed myself.
| 01:28 Friday, August 05, 2005
pardon me, the photos are placed randomly.
in the train
now u know why we clal her mermaid
the 3rd person is unwelcomed.
ewww..
qianting!!
leo & idontknow
alllll of us
this... nvm.
the 3 of us
ruiruiand rach
ruirui and me.
all the fooood
bye
| 14:18 Wednesday, August 03, 2005
i finally have some alone time.
a breather from the vicious cycle of moneymaking/spending.
mr.A, my boss said last night: sophia. considering the fact u spend much more than u earn in our store, why don't i give u your pay in the clothes u pick.
this is bad.
--
anyhow, its been a real long while since i slept in.
nothing better to compliment such a day than the slight coolness that sets in after a heavy downpour.
i have yet to draw my curtains since morning, refusing to budge out of my room except to pee, fill my tummy and get water.
--
so little unhappy thoughts fill my brain nowadays.
i am a satisfied healthy girl.
i am positively glowing.
-burp-
--
1 day to my babelicious jinggggg's birthday.
and 2 days to droops leaving.
| 15:08 Tuesday, August 02, 2005
today is not good.
i had to rush for tuition, rush to work.
and i'm running a fever.
just yesterday, i was beaming from ear to ear.
what a change 24 hours can make.
drats.
and i just found out there's school tomorrow!
to mr.big-z, thanks for driving me home, suppering and even tolerating the fact i was sick and not good company at all.
dont be upset lar ok? i'm really sorry.
i know now its like my fault u feel feverish too.
--
to embrace the familiar or try my luck at the lottery.
i think this time it'd be: try my luck..
eventhough the odds stacked against me are huge.
| 00:01
