Friday, May 13, 2005
i should stop scrapping by through life.
everything i do, is never great or wonderful.
it can only be catergorized under mediocre. average.
i wish i had something to my name.
my greatest achievement?
i honestly don't know.
i search my brain
only to find myself, having a slight migraine.
well.. i can talk on the phone for a record of 8 hours. (then again any girl can do that, with the right talking companion, and a hell lot of stupid gossip)
and as if that will improve the quality of my life.
i while away my time.
without having any specific goals.
and if i do have goals, i hardly, no make that, never ever achieve them.
its not that my goals are sky-high.
they're normal ones like i wanna DO WELL for a major exam for once.
oh u say, sophia's having one of her days again.
yeah i am, so what?
at least i'm thinking about doing something.
oh farkity fark.
i am so pissed off with myself.
about everything, anything.
and that damn headache seems to be looming right behind my ears.
and it doesn't help that i had an eye infection at 4am in the morning right before a major paper.
my parents arent talking to me.
why? because i told them i might fail one of my modules.
yeah whatever.
u need a perfect daughter.
but i'm way beneath (by miles) of their idealistic notions.
prim proper sweet filial RESPONSIBLE.
as they might put it: why can't u be a good testimony to your younger cousins?
its not as if i partake in the consumption of illegal substances, neither have i gone through an abortion and oh yes, i dont sleep around.
yeah yeah?! whats ur criterion for a perfect daughter then?
church-going, hardworking, and yes, i must sleep at 10pm and wake up at 8am. well whatever.
i pay my tithe, go to church on sundays, try to pray and read my bible. study when i should.
is that all not enough?!
its really tough being an only kid.
they place their hopes dreams on those shoulders of yours.
what they didnot achieve in their youth is now what is expected of your youth.
you are supposed to be their vision, their lost hopes.
the epitome of what they wanted to be.
they give me prettymuch most of the things i want material-wise.
but i think i need a break from being your perfect daughter.
can't i just be me?
but yet on the other hand, being me isn't sucha good idea.
i might never be able to whip myself into being a responsible adult.
perhaps i should sing that "sound of music" song.
i am 16 going on 17.
the only difference. i am 20 going on 21.
coming of age they tell me.
bull i say, i'm still that 13 year old who thought i was really going to walk down the aisle with the first boy i kissed.
hell was i wrong.
but u can't blame me, i was a mere teenager.
well, at least i can say: i passed my teenhood. (yeah i went to jc because i read teenage textbook. hahahaha)
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