neither black, nor white. just grey.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

i just left that ajm.
i wonder if she's home.

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is heartbreak really that hard to cope with?
i've forgotten the feeling.
i vaguely remember the dread of the mornings.
and the literal pain, which i swore was akin to stabbing.
when i look at u now, i can't relate to what you're going through.
i promised to be there, and eventhough i am there, i cannot fully comprehend the torment that eats you up.
i can only merely lend moral support and a listening ear.
u say: sophia you've been through this too! u know how i feel!! u do. u do.
time is the essence, it slowly ebbs away that sore wretched feeling, the unfulfilled expectations, the empty hopes that the mobile might ring.
then she reminded me: sophia!!! u soaked your pillows. curled up in a ball, unmoving. refusing to work, feigning food poisoning. slightly more than a year ago, you were crying. can't u REMEMBER that sort of pain?! it was just last july soph!
the verbal triggering did nothing.
the memories seem obscure.
u mean i was like that? i was? only last year?
she searched for empathy.
the lighted up recognition of her agony in my eyes.
so i lied.
oh i remember!!
but i do not, and neither do i wish to try.

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